Every Cat Deserves Home Ownership

Bamboozled

Have you ever wanted to yell, “Hey you kids, get off my lawn?” It helps if you own a home with a lawn. For seven Florida Persian cats, that American dream came true, until they were swindled.

Nancy Sauer died in November at the age of 84 and was predeceased by her husband, Ralph Sauer Jr. and son, Ralph Sauer III. The three worked in real estate and clearly did quite well for themselves as evident by the 4,000 -square-foot South Tampa mansion valued at $2.5 million that Nancy lived in until her death.

Nancy was not alone in her home. She had seven cats named Cleopatra, Goldfinger, Leo, Midnight, Napoleon, Snowball and Squeaky. Sauer made sure upon her passing that her feline friends would be well taken care of. That included inheriting her home with the financial backing for food, grooming and medical expenses for the rest of their lives.

“The deal is that the house was not to be sold until the last cat passed,” Yana Alban, a friend of Sauer’s told the Tampa Bay Times.

With the felines all about five years old, they would enjoy living la dolce vita for a long time. In other words, “time to party, bitches!”

For six months the Persians had the run of Xanadu with only caretakers stopping by a few times each day to check on them.

Besides yelling at any human foolishly stepping on their manicured lawn, the cats enjoyed the opulence of Sauer’s weakness for shopping.

At their disposal were 5,000 pieces of jewelry, because you can never have enough; 200-plus Austin Productions statues and figurines as any good cat appreciates fine art; 50-plus John Derian plates to eat their kibble from; Prada & Luis Vuitton Bags to store said kibble and other vittles and plenty of Chanel makeup to look good for any occasion.

The house had over 50 Dale Tiffany lamps for the furballs to better see all their goodies and Chanel sunglasses so they wouldn’t go blind from the fancy lighting.

Since cats are fastidious, they had their pick of over 25 Dyson vacuum cleaners to keep their play house spotless.

Then, as is usually the case, good times for the cats were wrecked by humans. Dog appointed Probate Judge Christopher “Schnocker” Sabella decided it would be better for the animals to find new homes. Never mind the judge didn’t ask the felines if they wanted that. Rarely does anything good come out of probate.

The Persians hired attorney Gloria Allred to argue their case.

“There are some people who still feel threatened by strong cats,” Allred declared to the media in front of probate court. “Cats will no longer be silent when they suffer injustices against them.”

Inside the courtroom, Allred gave an eloquent and passionate argument for the cats to remain in their home, even so far as to throw the judge a bone.

But Sabella wasn’t buying any of it. The reasons? First, he ruled that the caretakers of the cats were not fulfilling their duties. Again, he didn’t get the animals feedback on that. Second, Allred isn’t licensed to practice law in Florida.

The Tampa Seven, as the media dubbed the cats, didn’t go willingly with officials from the local Humane Society as the court ordered.

Law enforcement was called in after they hissed and clawed at anyone who got near them until pepper spray was administered.

“Go limp,” yelled Napoleon to his comrades as the defiant cats were tossed in the back of a paddy wagon.

“You can’t beat the system, but we won’t go down without a fight,” Cleopatra moaned as she coughed from the incapacitating aerosol.

With the cats out of their mansion, an estate sale was organized and hundreds descended on the property looking to grab a piece of the feline’s fantasy home.

In a matter of hours, the place was cleaned out.

Then to make things worse, the seven were put up for adoption.

Backing up the judge and handling point for the adoptions is Sherry Silk, executive director of the Humane Society of Tampa Bay.

“They were not cared for like they should have been,” Silk told FOX 13 Tampa Bay. “I’m sure Nancy would never, ever have allowed that or wanted that for her cats. So, they weren’t in the best shape.”

Really? There must be another reason.

“She [Sauer]did leave a six-figure estate for their care, which is feeding, grooming, medical supplies, toys, treats — whatever people want to do. We are going to reimburse people up to that.”

“The total amount for the seven cats is just over $300,000, which is a lot of money,” Silk added.

Bingo!

Faster than you can say “COVID-19 relief funding fraud,” request poured in to adopt the cats.

Nothing like billing for six-figures worth of cat merchandise.

“I’ve gotten, believe it or not, 156 applications for these remaining six cats, which is crazy to me,” Silk said after one cat was already adopted.

Once the money dries up, don’t be surprised to see seven musically eclectic Persian cats walking the back alleys of Tampa.