Building Code Violation

Trapped Like a Cat

Normally I refer to our pet, Chester, as a do-nothing cat, but today he was busy building a birdhouse using a table saw. I was surprised by this since I don’t own a table saw.

Chester put together a splendid structure so he can watch the blue jays, cardinals and sparrows year-round. That’s because we have to take down our bird feeder at the end of winter due to the growing black bear population. We learned our lesson after a bear tore apart our first feeder.

Having the birdhouse means that his favorite program, Birdie TV, will be available 365 days a year.

Like any good carpenter, Chester knows it’s always better to measure twice and cut once. He also knows that when putting in a new shower you should measure twice, cut once and check to make sure you’re not entombing the family cat underneath the installation. That’s what happened to a feline in Surf City, North Carolina.

Curiosity almost killed the unidentified cat who wanted to get a better look at the craftsmanship of the construction workers. So, the inquisitive furball jumped into a hole cutout in the floor. No one noticed the animal was inspecting the plumbing when the crew placed the shower floor over the cavity.

At some point, someone realized the cat was missing. How it was determined the animal was under the shower has not been explained. One can only imagine the homeowner was taking a shower when they heard meowing, scratching and the tapping of S-O-S coming from the floor.

The Surf City fire department was called to save the cat. Usually, the firefighters climb trees to rescue a feline, but not this time. Using a forcible entry tool (crowbar), the saviors broke the flooring of the new shower to save Whiskers.

“We never know what kind of calls we will be paged out to. Sometimes our furry friends need our help,” the fire department said on their Facebook page.

This operation wasn’t on par with the rescue of the 33 Chilian miners who were trapped deep underground for 69 days or the 12 players and coach of the Thai junior soccer team caught in a flooded cave for up to 19 days. Still, it was a dramatic moment when the cat was pulled to safety, at least for the feline.

Considering the shower install is going to set you back four figures, the owner had a decision to make; save the shower or continue with the cat’s immurement.

Immurement goes back to the Roman days and is when a person is intentionally buried alive until death. This was done as a form of capital punishment and was accomplished with a coffin-like box or being sealed behind a wall. There is no account of this being accomplished by placing the condemned under a shower floor.

“The stunt by that cat set the owner back a ton of money,” Chester said, as I turned around to see he was reading directions for putting together an indoor cat tree with scratching post and a comfy cushion to watch the action at the birdhouse he just built.

“That’s a lot of kibble that kitty won’t be seeing any time soon,” my sage of a cat continued.

“I would have been ticked off if you had done something like that, Chester,” I said. “That was a costly error by that cat.”

“If I had jumped in that hole, you would have saved me, right,” Chester asked.

I waited a few seconds for dramatic affect before answering.

“That’s a difficult decision,” I said. “Ruin a brand-new shower installation to get you out, or days of peace and quiet while enjoying long hot showers.”

“I’ll give you peace and quiet,” Chester sneered as he worked to grab a nearby hammer.

“What if instead of tearing up the shower floor, I just get a unit with a clear floor and a small hatch to send you kibble and water,” I cheerfully said. “That way we can still see each other but on a limited basis. You’re a scaredy cat anyway, you’d love the protection of being stuck under the shower floor.”

With that, Chester began to lick himself wildly. His threat of attacking me with a hammer vaporized. He hadn’t contemplated how I would answer his Sophie’s Choice question.

Chester was now making strange noises I hadn’t heard before. Then he started chasing his tail. Now I was concerned he was going to have a kitty breakdown.

“CHESTER,” I yelled to get his attention. “Of course, I would save you. You’re a cherished member of our family, I would never want you to get caught in such a situation.”

“That’s better,” a hyperventilating Chester gasped.

“But I would cut your kibble rations for a while so you’d learn your lesson not to do such a thing again,” I said sounding like an all-knowing father from a ’60s sitcom.

“Fair enough,” Chester said, getting back to normal. “But since I haven’t destroyed your shower and you’ve sent me into a frenzy, I’ll want extra kibble when I’m done building.”

With peace restored, I had one more question for Chester.

“How did you get that table saw?”

“Home Depot,” Chester said matter-of-factly. “I had them deliver it and gave the guys who moved it a big tip. The money came from your wallet I found in the kitchen. They were very grateful and are looking forward to bringing me more stuff.”

“And how did you pay for the saw,” I naively asked.

“Got your credit card from the same wallet,” Chester explained. “I’m impressed with your credit limit. I’ll have to remember that next time I’m searching for a big-ticket item.”

“Now if you don’t mind, I have some assembly work to do,” Chester said turning to his newest project.

“By the end of the day I’ll have my majestic perch for watching Birdie TV. You can keep filling my kibble and water bowls while I’m being entertained. I can’t leave my luxury box because there won’t be a DVR for this thing. I can’t afford to miss any of the action.

“Now drop in a 1/16 wood-spur bit into that power drill and pass it to me. I don’t have all day.”