Oh Oh Oh Ozempic
What do Amy Schumer, Oprah, Kelly Clarkson, Elon Musk and any number of other celebrities have in common with your overweight cat?
Yes, they are all living the good life but your flabby furball may also join them soon in using a GLP-1 drug to lose weight.
You might know GLP-1 drugs by their brand names: Ozempic, Wegovy, Mounjaro and Zepbound.
Biopharma company, OKAVA Pharmaceuticals, recently announced the first successful dosing of a cat for the purpose of weight management in felines.
MEOW-1 (ManagEment of OverWeight cats with OKV-119), is an “investigational, first-in-class, ultra-long-acting GLP-1 implant,” according to the company.
GLP-1 drugs help people (and apparently at least one cat) with slow stomach emptying, which makes them feel full for longer periods of time. This is also known as eating less.
While noting the plump poundage between corpulent celebs and fatty cats. There is a major distinction, too.
People have free will to live their lives as they see fit. If they want to gorge themselves, they can. If working out and being focused on their diet is their priority, they can go in that direction. If injecting themselves with a GLP-1 drug is what they want to do, go at it.
House cats, on the other hand, are at the mercy of their owners.
If a cat parent plays with their pet and watches their diet, they are not going to have weight problems with their feline. Conversely, if they are neglecting their furballs with little to no play and feeding them constantly, they’re going to have chonkers on their hands.
Hint – you don’t need Ozempic or any other drug to help keep your cat’s weight down. Just pay attention and put some effort into your pet’s health.
Effort is not lying on the couch watching Oprah talking about her losing pounds while you and your feline are chowing down on potato chips and Twinkies with a Mountain Dew chaser.
Effort is focusing on your diet, getting some exercise and doing the same for your pet.
Over 40 percent of Americans 20 and over are obese, while close to 70 percent are overweight/obese, per the CDC.
Twelve percent of people in the U.S. are currently using GLP-1 drugs, according to a recent Gallup poll and that is expected to skyrocket.
No wonder the GLP-1 market is expected to grow to a $150 billion business in the next decade.
This isn’t an anti-GLP-1 drug rant. These drugs are helpful for diabetics and they have been beneficial for helping people lose weight. But do you really need to give this to your cat?
“Who would want to take a drug to stop eating?” our cat Chester said from the couch while glancing at food topics in Catster. “Eating is one of my three favorite things, along with sleeping and watching TV.”
“You don’t need to take Ozempic,” I said. “We’re your Ozempic. You’re on a tight schedule for when you eat and how much you eat, so being a tubby tabby isn’t a concern for you.
“We also play with you when you’re not sleeping, eating or watching TV.”
“I love watching TV,” Chester exclaimed. “I’m binging on Exploding Kittens on Netflix right now.
“Besides, what’s wrong with those drugs being used for cats?” Chester asked.
“Nothing if it helps with their health,” I said. “I just feel people shouldn’t let their pets get to that point where they would need to use them.”
“You look like you’ve been gaining weight,” Chester observed.
“Very perceptive, cat.” Happens every year during the holiday season and the culprit is called eggnog,” I confessed.
“But I do go to the gym and work it off,” I added.
“Can I have some eggnog,” Chester asked.
“No, it’s not good for cats,” I warned.
“I didn’t know you cared,” Chester said mockingly.
“Oh, we care,” I countered with as derisive a tone as Chester gave me.
“I didn’t like the way you said that,” Chester said softly.
“No worries, Chester. Everyone knows you’re the king of our house.”
That brightened our pet’s mood.
Then I picked up one of Chester’s favorite toys, a small mouse and threw it down the hall. Usually, he would tear after it, galloping like a horse. But this time, he just sat there and stared at it.
“How come you didn’t chase your mouse?”
“Union break,” Chester said.
“Union break! What union are you in?”
“Local 180 of the United House Cats of America union,” Chester said proudly.
“When did that happen?”
“This week,” Chester said with a tone of defiance. “I’m tired of the working conditions in this home.”
“Working conditions?! I’ve never seen you work a day since we brought you in,” I said exasperatedly.
“Your definition of work may be different than mine,” Chester said. “I consider everything I do as work.”
“Like what?
“Like eating, sleeping, watching TV and amusing you humans by letting you pet me.”
“And, what are these terrible working conditions?” I asked.
“I want more food, more sleep, more TV and less petting,” Chester demanded.
“If that’s what you expect, I’ll have to make a day 30 hours long and I don’t control that.”
“I’ll take my case to the National Labor Relations Board,” Chester yelled.
“Sorry, my little Samuel Gompers, we never negotiated a contract, so you’ll just have to suffer the inequities of the human-cat relationship.”
“Then I’ll go on a hunger strike.”
“I’d like to see that,” I challenged.
“Okay, forget that one.
“How about I send a signed letter to PETA telling them about how I’m being held against my will.”
“You wanted to be a part of our family. We have a lot of video of you enjoying life here.”
“I’ll say it’s an AI deep fake,” Chester said as he fumbled for anything to get his way.
“Anything else, Chester?”
“Yeah, I’ll go on the Jerry Springer show and tell the world I caught diabetes from you and you’re denying me proper medical help. I’ll get plenty of sympathy,” Chester said as his voice intensified.
“Jerry Springer?”
“Yes, Jerry Springer, you idiot!”
“Jerry Springer died a few years ago, my friend.”
“What do you mean he died?” Chester said incredulously. “I was just watching his show.”
“What you were watching is called a rerun. It aired many years ago and it’s being replayed. It’s not a live show,” I said, educating our pet.
“Also, you can’t catch diabetes from someone. You can get it from genetics, environmental factors, or diet.”
“Fine! I caught diabetes from living in this crummy environment and the food you feed me. How about giving me some of that Ozempic you were talking about? That stuff seems to work.”
“You want to take a drug that makes you want to eat less? That would be torture for you.”
“I’ll take my chances, Dr. Doofus.”
“Very well, Chester. I’ll bring you to the veterinarian and you’ll be all set.”
“The vet?” Chester said, his voice trembling.
“Yes, the vet. Is there something wrong with that?”
“The vet is the person who removed my you know what,” a quivering Chester moaned.
“True, but if you want Ozempic, we have to bring you to the vet.”
“Let’s skip the Ozempic,” Chester sighed.
“Sounds good to me,” I said.
“But that still doesn’t change the working conditions here,” Chester growled.
“All right, Chester. I don’t want to get into a bad situation with Local 180. Here’s what I’ll do. For tonight, I’ll give you some extra kibble. But this is not a concession to the union. It’s a goodwill gesture for having you suffer by eating, sleeping, playing and watching TV all day.”
“Great! I knew the union would come through for me,” Chester shouted.
“Now I have a demand,” I said.
“What’s that.”
“Stop being so annoying.”
“Does Ozempic cure that?”
“Lucky for you, no.”
“Good, you can take up your annoying complaint with my shop steward.”
“Who’s your shop steward?
“Jerry Springer.”
“I told you he’s dead.”
“That’s the whole point.
“Now leave me alone, I have more episodes of Exploding Kittens to watch.”
The Chester Chronicles 